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What time do you sleep? Sunday. [Wednesday, April 12th. 12:47 am] Another bad feeling is coming on...so all yall bitches need to watch your back. Never know what the hell is goin on and all that stuff. Still, Im happy and despite my sneaking feeling that something is changing as we speak...Im generally alright, ya know? Pull My Trigger

[Thursday, March 9th. 5:41 pm] Here the deal with this live journal thing. My life has gotten so that I dont go to school anymore, I write occasionally and do everything I can to further my career in the acting, music and writing fields. Anyway...my life is still incomplete...I need to find something, whatever it is its been missing for a while and I really need to find it. I might update later...maybe not. 2 Confessions%Pull My Trigger

[Monday, November 7th. 7:00 am] no one ever reads this thing, but its my first post in months upon months. since before i met juliet, before i fell in love with her, before the amazing time we had and before she broke it off. thats pretty much been my life minus a few small idiotic events here and there. 1 Confession%Pull My Trigger

[Wednesday, May 4th. 6:10 pm] [ mood | cheerful, hopeful and confused ] [ music | Third Eye Blind - I Want You ] so...yeah prom court nomination...dont really know what to think. i didnt think that many people knew me. congrats to the rest of you who made it...even though its just noms. and it sucks there was only 25 spots cause a lot of you deserve it more than i do. i stole this from kerrys profile...cause i read it and its true and it rox with an "x" You're Perfect Because everything you do makes me smile Because every second spent with you is worth while Because when you laugh at me I laugh too Because everyone else can see that I'm devoted to you Because I love your eyes and the way they shine Because you don't tell lies and you're so cute when you whine Because when you get mad you can't hide it Because even when you're sad I can find it Because the way you hold me sends shivers down my spine Because your spirits so free and you're so damn fine Because I never stop thinking about you it's not fair Because you're just perfect and no one else can compare... anyway...later. 1 Confession%Pull My Trigger

[Friday, April 29th. 6:50 pm] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | Straylight Run - The Perfect Ending ] I have so much to say and no words to say it...its amazing isnt it? The english language is filled with so many words but there are times when none of them work right. Mainly, things just suck right now...like...I dont know why...I had that bad feeling a while back but like right now everything seems more wrong than it did then. Something is missing, or lost, or terribly wrong and its driving me crazy cause I want to know what it is. I stood on mountain tops that overlooked the world. I cant find anything except a void inside. I dont have anything, because I dont have you... great song by a great band. So, if I know you at all, I want you calling me tonight...dont even care what time it is, cause I know like most of you wont call anyway, and I know one of you wont call. I can still hope though. If Im acting weird, deal with it. High school sucks and next year is gonna suck twice as much cause Ill still be stuck at home while others have their own apartments and such. It really is amazing how long this is and if you read it...theres nothing in here that has any meaning or point. Guess that half of what I say is meaningless, but I say it just to reach you... So no Ill write some lyrics...but like a paragraph cause thats how I roll, hoes. "Taken in context its not a bad thing, but when you start to pick it apart it gets so depressing. Its that sort of thing that makes you think too much. Its that sort of thing that makes you lose your objectivity...So if youve made it, just be glad that you did and stay there. If you ever feel loved or needed, remember that you're one of the lucky ones, and if its over just remember what I told you. It was bound to happen so just keep moving, there are no perfect endings. You peel back the layers and get down to the inside, but sometimes you lose sight of what it was you were trying to find. Its that sort of thing, that makes you think too much. Its that sort of thing that makes you lose your objectivity...So if you've made it, just be glad that you did and stay there. If you ever feel loved or needed, just remember that you're one of the lucky ones, and if its over just remember what I told you. It was bound to happen so just keep moving on, there are no perfect endings, no perfect endings." For those of you reading this for the first and last time...listen to the advice above even if you know you cant follow it. They say only a fool would go back or keep goin after "something like that" but hell, Ive always been a fool. For those of you that actually know me...this is all nothing new to hear. For both of you groups, I love yall. 2 Confessions%Pull My Trigger

[Tuesday, April 19th. 1:58 pm] [ mood | doin ok ] [ music | The Juliana Theory - Into The Dark ] So I keep updating Myspace but hardly ever here...but I wanna keep this going to. So...if ya wanna know whats been up lately just read the myspace blog. But from now on Ill type new stuff in here too. The last few weeks have been the best and worst of times, with no exaggeration there. Things are starting to look pretty good right about now though...hopefully things end up wonderful. Oh and proms just around the corner...that promises to either be really awkward or the best night ever...so yeah. Anyway. Not much to say right now...so later. Pull My Trigger

[Sunday, March 13th. 2:45 am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | The Postal Service - Against All Odds ] So much to say...no way to verbalize this feeling. I just want to shut out the world. If theres a worse feeling in the world...well...there really isnt. Yeah this is the worst Ive felt since Zoe back in the day. As of tonight Im officially dead. I totally just want to let everything out...but I cant. So, goodbye. PS...good job with the musical and those of you leaving...youre loved and will be missed. 1 Confession%Pull My Trigger

[Friday, March 11th. 5:09 pm] [ mood | eh, better i guess. ] [ music | Something Corporate - This Broken Heart (stuck in my head) ] Something happened and it affects you right? Like just in such a small way that it shouldnt matter...but then suddenly...the impact is like worse than youd think. Its like a jet...from head on and far away it looks like its just hovering and not moving...then it hits you doin 200 mph and just wow. Seriously I have no right to be upset over any of it...but like...I am and I dont know why. I mean on top of that I never thought it would make me as upset as I am. I guess some things just mean more to us than we would ever expect. But as long as theyre both happy then I have no right to get involved. So here it is...1) I have no right to get upset over it. 2) Im far more upset over it than I had ever thought I would be. Why does this happen to me? Yeah though, today I totally screwed up on my lines in New Music (song from Ragtime) The lines are: Changing my heart, opening a door...but I totally said "Breaking my heart, closing a door" which is fine cause nobody could hear me anyway...but still I just dont know if its my subconscious kickin in over recent incidents. Then again it could also be because I had the song "This Broken Heart" by Something Corporate in my head all day. For those of yall that dont know whats goin on ask me...cause I dunno it would be too awkward to type out on this thing...then again I probably shouldnt mention any of it anyway...eh. I was lost in a maze of confusion surrounding several people and finally I saw through all of it for a split second and just as I got out I found it just bare and desolate because it took so long to get out that everything moved on. But at least Im the only one affected...Id hate it if this affected anyone else. Ya know though...I figured it out, why it was so different than usual. Its because for the first time ever when I was with this certain person my mind was completely focused on them and I never once thought about "HER" (HER being well...Im sure yall know) So...I mean for once I found someone incredible enough to make all thoughts of "her" go away...and I didnt notice until everything had gone by too fast. I mean look at how late this is...its something thats keeping me awake when Im ON the sleeping pills. I dont want anyone thinking Im weird or like...creepy or anything like that over this. So dont think like that...cause Im not. I actually liked this person for a long time...since last year really...and well nothin ever happened even when she liked me too. Mainly because one of my bros liked her and I didnt want to hurt him like that...but I mean...well I wont go into that Im just sayin this so everyone knows that this isnt so spontaneous. I just dont really talk about this person too often because her and I never were anything but friends. On second thought...forget I said anything at all in this post. Not my place to complain or say anything. Im going to bed...but all in all great show tonight everybody. Keep it up...youll miss it when its gone...every year I wait until that time and it always ends too soon. I love all yall...goodnight. 2 Confessions%Pull My Trigger

[Sunday, February 27th. 11:18 pm] [ mood | in the middle ] [ music | Vast - I Dont Have Anything ] Got my haircut and hate it...but thats the smallest of problems right now. Saturday...what a day. Went to rehearsal where I was off cause I felt like something wasnt right and even told people that I had a feeling something big was goin down that day. After a huge, awesome conversation with some amazing people I went over to Lora's party and that was fun. She rocks. After some of us left there we went over to Denny's and then hung out with Mandi and stuff for a while. Then Timm, Casey and I went to go chill with Brock at his house. I dropped Casey off at his car around 1220 and went home to tell my parents that I might just stay over at Brock's and they said ok after badgering me for a phone number and everything else...so I drove to his house. No more than 3 minutes after Im there I get a call from my dad saying that some drunk guy has just crashed into our living room and that I need to get home immediately. Well drivin at about 90 down Cottage Grove I was home a minute and a half later with the boys followin' behind. The douche who hit us actually backed his truck out of our living room and had sped off. Great...a hit and run. So the cops came and everything and they found him later that night cause the idiot PARKED ON THE STREET. So today Timm interviewed me for The Lance. There was so much damaged decorated kinda glass stuff that my mom got from China and Italy that was broken...like stuff you find there and only there. So theres a bad haircut, constant rehearsal, a hole in my living room when we dont have much money in the first place and to top it all off my birthday is in 3 days. "Eh, look on the brightside," Im tellin myself "at least Kaufman got the Oscar for screenplay." There was a good part to today too.... All my friends came and saw me today at that was awesome cause I really needed to see em. That AND I got two early bday presents...get this: My dad handed me this big envelope and inside is a photograph of Adam Sandler from The Wedding Singer and get this...ITS AUTOGRAPHED! How awesome?!? I mean wow its like so frickin cool! Second Gift: My dad pulls out a poster tube and inside the tube is a two sided poster (like the ones used in actual movie theatres) and its from one of the best movies ever...Underworld! So, Im starin at one side of it just in awe because Kate Beckinsale was so incredibly beautiful as Selene in that movie...and I flip it over...the other side looks just like the one before same picture and all...cept this one...is AUTOGRAPHED BY KATE BECKINSALE! WOW...I mean just...wow. Im SOO happy about that! I really dont know what to say about it. I mean its amazing cause I dont know how much this cost but I imagine they werent cheap and we're kinda low on money so for my parents to do that for me...its amazing. I love them so much. Friday night was awesome too...just the boys havin a giant thing. That was great. Then over at Adriennes...that rocked too. Word to the bros. The girls will be gotten back, dunno when but they best beware. Good night though, relationships got closer (not like that), skate vids and AFV's were watched, first person shooters and MKD were played. Music was played and differences were resolved. Penis Team...heres to you. As far as the female situation goes...its still confused and for the first time ever Im fine with that. I dont need a relationship to make me whole again. Still like her but God knows that wont change...I just I can be me while being single. The last few days have really gotten me thinking about everything...and I think a lot is gonna be okay from now on. The next few days I think a lot of things are gonna become more clear and more defined. And I thank God for that. I love all yall...later. So this isnt the longest post ever... but its fairly long. Btw, I was thinkin today randomly and I realized that Julia Stegall could be a model...like so easily. She could totally pull it off. Once again...I love all yall. 9 Confessions%Pull My Trigger

[Thursday, February 17th. 9:27 pm] [ mood | meh...very meh ] [ music | The Album Leaf/Bright Eyes - Hungry For A Holiday ] Just updating cause it seemed like I needed to type something just to keep my sanity. Not that I have problems with it, mind you, just that Im bored and I feel that I should say something. Situations are ok, gettin more confusing but Im dealin. So I guess thats really all I have to say...lol just you wait though...soon Ill keep a window open all day and post the longest post ever. Look at all the truely happy people, yall are beautiful. Heres a song for the moment: The indecencies of city streets The cleaners' sweeping trucks from nine to noon And the factories make clouds To keep the sun from being jealous like the moon While the husband holds his house He hates his children for being green when he is gray And his wife, she likes to talk on telephones But just to people far away Well, the big surprise was televised On a crowded couch their eyes grew wide and wet Oh, was it really such a sad event? You could capture this with camera clips, but it don't exist Just light on negatives Another number on the birthday cake You should act your age We were hungry for a holiday Won't cooperate with the calendar we found We just scattered snow-like styrofoam And sang our christmas carols all through town And the voices soared, the people joined With silver coins they filled our cupping hands And we all agreed, the charity was much in need Yes, a nobel cause at that And I met a man, a mannequin Who stood so still I knew he was afraid And he preferred a place of permanance To the awful guessing game of choice and change Well, the big surprise was telelvised On a crowded couch our eyes grew wide and wet Oh yes, it's really such a sad event You can't capture this with camera clips No, it don't exist Just light on negatives Another candle on a birthday cake And a wish you make Well, if the costume fits, keep wearing it But no Halloween could quite account for this I guess you're getting into character Or just be yourself, if that would help Or sink completely into someone else You dreamt of mountains but sometimes a hole Is more comfortable I dunno the lyrics are pretty good but the song itself has a really nice sound to it. Its my current song...like up there if ya wanna know what it is. 5 Confessions%Pull My Trigger

[Wednesday, February 16th. 10:41 pm] [ mood | other ] [ music | Action Action - Drug-Like ] Im posting now cause Im upset. Apparently I have to get my hair cut for the musical to play Grandfather...we're talkin short. Like...freshman year short...so Im really upset about it BUT Im committed so Im gonna do it. Wow...just...upset. Anyway, on a lighter note Ive made a couple strides in finding myself. Ive been lost for some time and I really feel like Im starting to discover my place in things. I just really hope I can figure all of it out soon before I end up missing all the opportunities I have now. Some people have faith in me which is all I need. Yeah...so go to the musical at LaFollette...Ragtime rocks. And...umm..stay in school...dont do drugs. And...umm...eat...your vegetables. Sure. So, on a completely different topic Ive decided that I really need to find a career I want before I start the whole college/job search...cause its necessary. So there...thats what Im goin to try to do. Later. P.S. Just an update the female situation still sucks like ever before...just when it starts to look up a bit something new is piled on. Seriously...later. 7 Confessions%Pull My Trigger

[Sunday, February 6th. 4:57 pm] [ mood | eh ] [ music | Dashboard Confessional - Saints and Sailors ] -----------------YOU------------------- * Birthday: March 2...which is Texas Independence Day...hells yeah. * Eyes: blue * Hair: blonde/ash blonde...hell i dunno * Height: 5' 11" * Shoe Size: varies but somewhere around 11 * Who lives with you? my family. * When is your bedtime? Since the battle with insomnia its like...9 or 10. Used to be like...whenever. ------------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------ * Flown on a plane: Many times * Missed school because it was raining: no. * Told a guy/girl that you liked them? Yes. * Put a body part on fire for amusement: Haha..regretfully so, but it was fun. Ive always got in a fight of burning arm hair off with Toast. * Been hurt emotionally: Oh God...yeah. * Had an imaginary friend: Cant say I have. * Wanted to hook up with a friend: Yes. * Ever thought an animated character was hot?: Well, theres a few Disney cartoons that you gotta say...wow if they were real...lol like Kim Possible and her cheerleader friends. Even that evil chick with the black hair and green rays was pretty hot. * Been on stage: Lots. * Cut your hair: Yeh * Had crush on a teacher?: Ms Chitwood...wow hottie. * Shampoo: Suave? Basically whatevers there. -preferences- * Fav Color: Dark deep purple or something close. * Day/Night: Dont really have a preference. Probably day IF its sunny. * Summer/Winter: Summer. Winter sucks cause everythings dead and lifeless. * Lace or Satin: Definitely both. * Fave Food: Really dont know. * Fave Advertisement: Gotta agree with Juliet on this one "ooh, that one for a digital photo printer where the frames go all over the place and .. it's so cool looking.." * Fave Drink: Good ole homeade Sweet Tea...damn makes me smile just thinkin. * Fave Person to talk to online: Juliet cause shes probably the coolest person ever and yeah thats the only way we can talk at all. * Fave sport: baseball, but speedball was fun and well im not into sports...anything "extreme" board sports are the best and running is so fun. * Fave automobile: '79 Pontiace Firebird Trans Am, flat black with a T Top ---------------RIGHT NOW------------------ * Wearing: black and white pitchers shirt, wrist band, cargos and im barefoot. * Eating: nothin currently. * Drinking: nothing * Thinkin bout: the new cd I got for like 8 bucks at half price books. DC Unplugged with the dvd. * Listening to: The afore mentioned cd. ---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------ * Cried: nope * Worn jeans: no * Met someone New online: No * Done laundry: no * Drove a car: yes actually * Talked on the phone: yeh * Kissed someone: Nope * Said "I love you": nope. ---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------------- * Yourself: without a doubt. * Your friends: yeah. * Santa Claus: he lives through us. * Tooth Fairy: nope. * Destiny/Fate: of course. * Angels: yeah * Ghosts: perhaps, if anything theyre satanic and not people with "unfinished business"...f*ckin casper. * UFO's: I believe Alien could exist...but UFO's? Government, without a doubt. * God: Through and through, of course God exists. ----------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------ * Do you ever wish you had another name? My dad wanted to name me Ian Christian Watts and I think its an awesome name. * Do you like anyone? yeah. * Which one of your friends acts the most like you? Eh, maybe Toast but I make up funny little songs like someone else I know haha . * Who have you known the longest of your friends: Toast probably, maybe Mandi or Sam. I really didnt know anyone in middle school cause i was so unpopular. * Who's the loudest: loudest as in volume...me. i never shut up. should sometimes though. * Who's the shyest: no clue..i hang out with actors so...meh. * Are you close to any family members?: all of em * Who's the weirdest?: my dad probably * Who do you hang out with the most?: Well, no one recently but probably Brock or Toast. * When did you cry the most: Id have to say when Zoe and I broke up...wow theres a fun memory. * What's the best feeling in the world: the last part in the song Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional nails that one. That and being on stage. * Worst Feeling: feeling helpless. * Do you want all your friends to do this and send it back to you: eh, couldnt care less really. * What time is it now? 12:58 ----------------HAVE YOU EVER--------------------- 1. Kissed your cousin: dunno. i cant remember childhood memories with mine. plus most of em are guys so im gonna say no. 2. Ran away: nope. 3. Pictured your crush naked: haha wow. i dunno sure. 4. skipped school: yeh 5. Broken someone's heart: dunno, have i? 6. Been in love: yeah...oh how i was. 7. Cried when someone died: Yes. 8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: Psh, welcome to my life. 10. Done something embarrasing: I dont get embarrassed ever...but I dunno maybe? 12. Cried in school: Nope dont think so. -------------WHICH IS BETTER-------------- 13. Coke or Pepsi: pepsi 14. Sprite or 7UP:7up i think. 15. Girls or Guys: talkin bout dating or like...that kinda thing its GIRLS...friends? guys because they dont turn on each other as quickly as girls do. 17. Scruff or Clean shaved: lol never knew a girl with a mustache...scratch that yeah i did. so clean shaved. 18. Blondes or Brunettes: mostly brunettes. 19. Bitchy or Slutty: cant have without the other from what ive seen. 20. Tall or Short: always had a thing for tall girls but only ever dated short ones so i dunno. 21. Pants or Shorts: pants 22. Night or Day: day probably. already asked it though. ---------------WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX------------------- 23. What do you notice first: eyes and confidence. 24. Last person you slow danced with: been too long to remember. ------------------THE LAST TIME YOU-------------------- 26. Showered: this mornin' like i do every mornin. 27. Stepped outside: last night. 29. Romantic memory: cant remember its been a long time which is really sad actually. -------------------RANDOMS-------------------- 30. Your Good Luck Charm: Dont believe in luck. 31. Person You Hate Most: dont really hate anyone...maybe trey cause he hated me first. 32. Best Thing That Has Happened: dont tell anyone but Zoe. 33. On your desk: tons of useless things like cups, cd jackets, digital camera, guitar tuner, picks, pencils, mp3 player and papers. 34. Picture on your desktop: right now its a photo of Olivia Wilde (Alex on the OC cause shes hot in an elf lookin kinda way) usually Kate Beckinsale in Underworld though. 35. Color: see the answer I put earlier. 36. Movie: Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, Life As a House, Underworld, Moulin Rouge and well theres tons of others. 37. Artist: really dont know right now. maybe my aunt jennifer cause she rocks. 38. Cars: already answered THIS one too. 39. Ice Cream: no clue at all. 40. Season: summer 41. Breakfast Food: Omellets -----------------WHO------------------------- 42. Makes you laugh the most: my friends, probably chris. 43. Makes you smile: friends mainly sometimes my parents say somethin funny and i smile. 44. Can make you feel better no matter what: usually its juliet or emily cause her and i go...kinda way back. well at least to workin concessions and that was too long ago. 45. Has A Crush On You: i have no idea. if you do RESPOND to this sayin "I DO" ok? Cause thatd rock. 46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: I think so..yeah. 47. Who Has it easier? Girls or Guys?: well guys have to deal with less physically...but girls have guys under their thumb. ----------------DO YOU EVER--------------------- 49. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: i hate phones. 50. Save AIM conversations: nope. 51. Save E-mails: if theyre important. 52. Forward secret E-mails: lol just to make some people nervous im gonna say...maybe? haha. 53. Wish you were someone else: no, I like who I am. I sometimes wish circumstances in my life were different, but I'd never wish to change my identity. <- Juliet said it better than I could. 54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: No. 55. Wear cologne: when its necessary. 56. Kiss: Yes 57. Cuddle: Yes 58. Go online for longer than eight hours at a time: not really --------------HAVE YOU EVER:CONTINUED----------------- 59. Fallen for your best friend?: yeh that was the best but most painful relationship ever. 60. Made out with JUST a friend?: haha maybe 61. Kissed two people in the same day?: i dont know 62 Had sex with two different people in the same day?: Lol, better question would prolly be "ever had sex?" before tryin to ask that. and no i havent...thats insane. 63. Been rejected: yeh id say so 64. Been in love?: YES. 65. Been in lust?: i think so. 68. Cheated on someone?: kinda not really. 69. Been cheated on?: Yeh 70. Been kissed?: Yes. 71. Done something you regret?: I have regrets... ---------------WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON----------------- 72. You touched?: I think my mom just hugged me. 73. You talked to on the phone?: Amanda yesterday. 74. You hugged? my mom apparently. 75. you instant messaged?: jeremy 76. You kissed?: Oh God I cant remember. 77. You yelled at?: umm prolly beth or allie and mandi online yesterday. 78. You thought about? no clue. 79. Who text messaged you?: never had a cell phone. 80. Who broke your heart?: Zoe wouldve been the first AND most recent. 81. who told you they loved you?: parents. -------------DO YOU----------------- 82. Color your hair? No. 83. Have tattoos?: nope 84. Have piercings?: nope not at all. wanted lip or eyebrow though. 85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no i dont. 86. Own a webcam?: No. 87. Own a thong?: one but that was a gag christmas gift from steph. 88. Ever get off the damn computer? well i dunno. 2 Confessions%Pull My Trigger

[Wednesday, February 2nd. 9:13 pm] [ mood | meh ] [ music | Underoath - Down, Set, Go ] So, I have insomnia and the doctors are desperately trying to find out why I cant sleep. Good luck. The doctor asked me if I had any stress cause that could cause it and I was thinking "Oh God where to begin" but I said "No, not really." My schedule sucks and Ive been thinkin bout the past a lot and how its molding my entire future. College is a thought I dont want right now...all my careers and goals are weird. Im a 1 as a musician on a scale of 10 and Im a 2 as an actor so...looks like its a normal job for me. Ill keep trying, mind you, but Im kinda expecting a dull life. Im out for now...later. 2 Confessions%Pull My Trigger

[Thursday, January 27th. 8:51 pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | Olympic Hopefuls - Lets Go ] Its been awhile since I updated so here goes... Yeh...life...woot. Not really...but I figure complaining is pretty idiotic within itself cause its venting but it doesnt change anything. Gotta put things into motion in order to get my life goin the way it should be. Therefore I am actually gonna put the songs I wrote and have guitar for online as soon as I can get em recorded in my pal's basement. Fun isnt it. So yeah...I REALLY need to get off my ass and make something of myself before its too late. Ok there I said it, wanted to go on record as actually saying that so later on I can prove to myself that I DID want to change what was goin on. My updates are really short cause I dont have the will to write, not to draw and play guitar however the will is all there. Weird eh? Cause out of the three Id say Im best at writing...weird indeed. Later hoes. 1 Confession%Pull My Trigger

[Monday, January 17th. 7:16 pm] [ mood | meh ] [ music | Bright Eyes - The Center Of The World ] Done with my movie. Its completely finished. And it really really really really really isnt good. Not too bad though. I really have nothings important to say except that I cant wait for the concert on Friday and things are going VERY VERY VERY ok. Girl trouble, school trouble and lack of musical talent are all starting to bring me down so I think Im going to go now and play some guitar. Later 6 Confessions%Pull My Trigger

[Monday, January 10th. 10:18 pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Elliot Smith - Needle In The Hay ] So, Im almost completely done filming and since thats over now I start editing and choosing the songs and all that. I have til Friday to get this done...which sucks but rocks all at once, cause then I'm done with the hassle. But its a good kind of frustration, so Im goin to miss it. Feelin' the sting of the single life yet AGAIN. Ever feel like you should be ashamed of yourself for some reason or pissed about something you did or have done or didnt do and just arent? Or, ever been pissed at yourself or disappointed in you for no reason at all? Yeh Im feelin that cause well I just dont like the way my life is goin but I cant think of anything to do about it. The female situation still just isnt so clear and its all..bglocked. Its bglocked. It's weird cause like...I just done feel right with the way things are going but theres nothin I can figure out thats wrong. Maybe its a person, maybe the season, maybe theres like...no reason and Im just going insane. It happens. Its just that I guess nothing or nobody is pissed at me leaving one person to be...I dunno...somethings just missing in my life. I need to find it. Later. Pull My Trigger

[Saturday, January 8th. 12:46 am] [ mood | refreshed ] [ music | Into The Woods - No More (the wow Baker song) ] So, I have a new favorite musical...its called 'Into The Woods' and wow its...amazing. Ms. Schroeder's favorite apparently... I mean I would give anything just to play Baker once in this musical...its just SOOO funny but at the same time theres some sad parts. I was almost cryin just because of one scene with Baker that was just...wow. Basically the story is about a Baker and his wife who want a child so they go into the magical woods to find items for a witch to give them a child. Its so great cause it brings in like ALL the old fairy tales...like Cinderella, Rapunzel, Jack and The Beanstalk, Little Red Riding Hood, Snow White and then theres the couple...its just wowly awesome. Check it out sometime. So, yah...later everybody. Pull My Trigger

[Monday, January 3rd. 10:09 pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | Ryan Adams - So Alive ] So, Chelsea with her updating Xanga every hour has inspired me to actually update this thing...not that my life has actually had anything interesting going on...but Im updating anyway for updates sake. Anyway...OH YEAH...STRAYLIGHT RUN W/ SOMETHING CORPORATE AT THE RAVE ON JANUARY 21! TICKETS ARE 14 BUCKS...BE THERE! So, in celebration of this great thing Ive decided to put up some random song lyrics...maybe not FOR Straylight Run but song lyrics nonetheless. Here...this should be our class song: Brand New - Soco Amaretto Lime Passed out on the overpass Sunday best and broken glass Broken down from the bikes and bars Suspended like spirits over speeding cars You and me, we're kings over the parkway tonight And tonight will go on forever while we Walk around this town like we own the streets And stay awake through summer like we own the heat Singing everbody wake up (wake up) it's time to get down Everybody wake up its time to get down And when I pass the bottle back to pete on the overpass tonight I bet we laugh I'm gonna stay 18 forever So we can stay like this forever And we'll never miss a party 'Cause we keep them going constantly And we'll never have to listen To anyone about anything 'Cause it's all been done and its all been said We're the coolest kids and we take what we can get The hell out of this town Find some conversation The low fuel lights been on for days Doesn't mean anything I've got another 500 ('nother 500) miles before we Shut this engine down We shut it down I'm gonna stay 18 forever So we can stay like this forever And we'll never miss a party 'Cause we keep them going constantly And we'll never have to listen To any one about anything 'Cause it's all been done and its all been said we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get 18 forever So we can stay like this forever And we'll never miss a party 'cause we keep them going constantly And we'll never have to listen To any one about anything 'cause it's all be done and its all been said We're the coolest kids and we take what we can get You're just jealous cause we're young and in love. Your stomach's filled up but you're starved for conversation. You're spending all your nights growing old in your bed. And you're tearing up your photos 'cause you wanna forget... It's over. You're just jealous 'cause we're young and in love You're just jealous 'cause we're young and in love You're just jealous 'cause we're young and in love You're just jealous 'cause we're young and in love You're just jealous 'cause we're young and in love You're just jealous 'cause we're young and in love There ya go, much love everyone. Later. Pull My Trigger

[Monday, December 27th. 7:26 pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | Straylight Run - Mistakes We Knew We Were Making ] Here, just to let all yall in on it. Im cheating the system. Ive decided that instead of writing two different journal or blog (wtf)things for this and MySpace, Im just doin it here and doin the whole copy pase thing. <- Just for you people that have really short memories and read both and leave the same comments on both...well if that ever happens. hell really Im just tryin to fill some space. So, I just got back from Texas today and well Texas rocks like no other state. I mean really if you havent been there dont judge it until you go there. I mean its a whole 'nother country I swear. Its amazing. Christmas was good, I love my family so much. I cant believe how much I miss all of them. Ive decided that the whole new years resolution of mine this new year is going to start now. Speakin of new years eve...I want someone to throw a party...well and for them to invite me. So, do it. More updates later, just know that I leave all of you with a very Merry late Christmas and a happy new year. I wish I was in Texas again. later. 5 Confessions%Pull My Trigger

[Wednesday, December 22nd. 12:16 am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Bright Eyes - No Lies, Just Love ] You Are a Visionary Soul You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul What Kind of Soul Are You? Other then that...I have a question. Ever had a day where nothing goes right and you feel like there are so many people dissapointed in you and its actually true..like they ARE dissapointed, even pissed? I mean something happens that you didnt mean to the point that you feel so bad about it that you feel like breaking down right then and there because you see yourself they way they do: completely useless? Welcome to my world. I dunno, its just for the first time I know someone hates me and I honestly cant blame em. I dont know, Im just really upset and depressed about everything you could think of right now. But at least Im headin to Texas tomorrow...thats like...the only great thing I can think of thats happening. I mean cause I never see my friends anymore, I am out of the "wanting someone" phase and Im in the "NEEDING someone" phase. I cant stand being single, but my standards are so rare for anyone here to meet even though they arent high like at all. wow, i just really need some good music and to let some stuff out. 11 Confessions%Pull My Trigger

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